How I would book the RAW v Smackdown women’s Survivor Series match

There is an episode of The Simpsons (“Homer Defined”) where Homer saves the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant from meltdown and is fêted as a hero. But what the viewers know is that he succeeded by dumb luck – he didn’t have a clue what button he was pressing. Made the plant’s “Employee of the Month” he was asked to give a talk at the rival Shelbyville Power Plant. His speech is interrupted by the plant going into meltdown. Again he saves the plant – but this time there are witnesses. Homer is exposed as a dumb fool the phrase “To Pull a Homer” (to succeed despite idiocy) becomes popular and it even appears in the dictionary! 

I mention this because that is what I feel WWE have done with this year’s Survivor Series. They have “pulled a Homer”. When the card was announced it was not looking good. The four Champion v Champion RAW v Smackdown matches in particular looked awful – all heel v heel matches which WWE rarely does. But three title changes, plus the addition of the Shield v the New Day and the inclusion of big names Triple H and John Cena in the RAW v Smackdown men’s Survivor Series match has improved the card considerably. Survivor Series – if booked properly – could be the best pay-per-view of 2017. 

But there is one unfair anomaly. There are four authority figures on WWE television. Of those RAW General Manager Kurt Angle is fighting for his job, Smackdown Commissioner Shane McMahon is also fighting in the men’s Survivor Series match, Smackdown General Manager Daniel Bryan took a choke slam from Kane despite not being medically cleared to wrestle (if he was he would be in the match I suspect)…and RAW Commissioner Stephanie McMahon is doing nothing except shouting at General Manager Angle, emasculating him and threatening his job. She does this all the time and she never gets her comeuppance. 

That should change. If Kurt Angle has to fight for his job on Sunday so should Stephanie McMahon. And she should lose her job as we are sick of the sight of her on WWE TV. It is easily done. And here is how I would have booked it. 

On Monday’s RAW Kurt Angle suggests to Stephanie that if he is fighting for his job Stephanie should have to do the same. Of course Stephanie disagrees with this idea but her father Mr McMahon should then appear and say that it is a good idea and that Stephanie should also fight for her job. He would make her captain of the RAW women’s Survivor Series team replacing Alicia Fox who is useless. And if the team loses Stephanie will be FIRED. 

So the teams I would have had would be : 

RAW – Stephanie McMahon, Bayley, Mickie James, Nia Jax and Sasha Banks (unbeaten Auska would not be in the team as I would book RAW to lose but I don’t want Auska to lose. Plus she has not been on RAW long enough to develop brand loyalty and should be a “lone wolf”. Don’t worry I have a role in mind for Auska). 

Smackdown – Becky Lynch, Carmella, Naomi, Paige and Tamina. (that might be the real life team. If they were putting ex Champion Natalya in the team they would have announced it on Tuesday. I’m hoping they put in Paige. I would). 

So the match starts with Stephanie avoiding any in ring action. A few minutes into the match Auska arrives and beats up everybody on both teams (except Stephanie who weasels out of a beating like the cowardly heel she is). Auska beats up everybody and then walks away. This establishes Auska as a beast as she has beaten up nine women at the same time and makes it look like no one can stop her. 

After Auska’s intervention the eliminations start. Nia Jax would eliminate Tamina and Naomi in quick succession to make her look strong. Mickie James would be the first RAW elimination (by Paige) then Paige, Carmella and Becky Lynch would combine to soften up Nia leading to a Dis-arm-her just like last year and making the match three a side. 

The match would then turn in favour of RAW when Sasha makes Carmella tap to the Bank Statement and Bayley eliminates Paige with a Bayley-to-Belly. It is three v one for RAW and it looks like Stephanie will save her job without doing anything (she has not tagged in once during the match).

But try as Sasha and Bayley might they cannot eliminate Becky Lynch. Banks traps her in the Bank Statement – Becky gets to the ropes and breaks it. Bayley hits her with the Bayley-to-Belly – Becky kicks out. Stephanie is furious and starts shouting at Sasha and Bayley angry that they cannot get the job done. Eventually Stephanie slaps Sasha and Bayley. Big mistake. Sasha and Bayley have had enough of Stephanie’s nagging. They throw her into the ring. Bayley gives her a Bayley-to-Belly Sasha puts her in the Bank Statement…and then they walk out eliminating themselves. Stephanie is left all alone with Becky Lynch. There is nowhere for her to go. Becky puts her in the Dis-arm-her. Stephanie has no choice but to tap out. She has finally got her comeuppance. She is fired. She is GONE from WWE TV.

I should stress that unlike the Authority after the 2014 Survivor Series she is legit gone. She will of course stay in WWE in real life but her TV character is gone. She is a toxic presence on RAW and adds nothing to the programme. She should be written out for good.

Of course this is a fantasy. This is why they call it fantasy booking. Stephanie will likely pollute WWE TV for years not getting her comeuppance (her husband Triple H I don’t mind as he does get his comeuppance occasionally – at WrestleMania XXX and Wrestlemania 33 for example). But Stephanie McMahon is a cancer who never gets her comeuppance. If I were in charge it would happen on Sunday. But it won’t. Unfortunately….

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